A 5t Brave New World;

Like a snow man melting after a white Christmas, Melbourne had been coming to the realization that he was in the doghouse. He could technically be said to have been grieving the loss of a loved one, because the lovely maiden on his arm had not made protest of his folly. He knew that to be properly accomplished, grief was to be done in five stages; Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Denial was easy... he did a mental imitation of an Ostrich in distress, and buried his head in the sands of time. Anger, too, was easily accommodated. Sam was an complete idiot and buffoon for suggesting Valentine. Depression was also possible. "I'll never fall in love again," he thought. But ACCEPTANCE? If he meekly accepted the coming state of affairs in which they spent Valentine's Day in Valentine, Texas, and didn't renegotiate the road to Paris, he and the future Mrs. Andrea Sheila Sydney were destined never to wed! He felt like a silly old goose. "Lucky Duck," Andrea exclaimed as he negotiated a potential pothole by riding the highway shoulder. "I think you REALLY meant 'Lucky DOG!'" Sam corrected her. She assured him she did not, and he challenged her to prove it. "Change my minds with WORDS!" he asserted.

Melbourne spent a few moments explaining that, in his opinion, simple assault would do. In all fairness Andrea was forced to point out that, while assault could verifiably adjust an attitude, if it were used to change a mind the force required to do so would be excessive, and the resulting response not commensurate to the offense. She then addressed Sam civilly. "I simply don't believe that all men are dogs, and all women bitches," she explained. To assure him of her reasonableness, she continued by qualifying her observations, "Vixens are quite worthy of pursuit, and, if their jowls are properly observed, hounds are good for hunting, but as a paradigm for human sexuality canines fail on many levels." Sam had to agree to this pontification, and commented, "Well, at least Vixens chase wild geese." "They are Vulpine, and so not relevant to the discussion at hand," Melbourne supplied. "Wild Geese are AVIAN," Sam corrected Melbourne. "Not the goose you NINNY, the FOX," Andrea riposted, hoping Sam would not notice that it was she that had lumped in Vulpine with Canine. "I personally manufacture luck of my own choosing!" was Sam's chosen method of retort. "You make your OWN luck?" Andrea responded incredulously. "Prove it!"

Melbourne tried to ease the distress of the lifeboat of their harmony, by liberally applying a surface coat of oil on the troubled water of this teapot tempest. "I know where the Irish get the famous 'Luck of the Irish.'" he postulated. This audacity invited scrutiny of its own, and they turned on him in unison. "Ireland," he supplied, saving them some suspense. "The fact that they are lucky is PROVEN by the FACT that there are no snakes at all in Ireland." "I thought it was because Irish girls are so kissable," Sam revealed sincerely. Andrea regarded him shrewdly for a moment. "You DO have the gift of the Gab." she added, signaling her agreement. "Most people have to actually go to Ireland to get this good," Sam volunteered humbly, "But I got mine just from practicing talking to people." "You've said some of the STUPIDEST things I've ever heard come from a male waste of OXYGEN," this comment elicited. It was up to Melbourne again to smooth ruffled feathers. "I know everybody says 'Practice makes perfect,' but a simple test at a gun range will show you that only PERFECT practice makes perfect," he adjudged. "My point EXACTLY," Andrea added. "I shoot crows in an open field," Sam replied, explaining his ignorance of perfection. Melbourne finally gave up hoping for a convenient excuse and sallied forth with the naked truth. "We can't spend Valentine's Day in Valentine... we've got to be back in PARIS before the full moon!"

Andrea's heart melted in an instant. "I FORGIVE you Melbourne," she whispered, looking up at him through heavy lashes, out of dark eyes welling up in tears. He used the next exit to turn around, and soon they had again laid in a course for Paris. Sam watched a flock of Grouse take wing, and wondered aloud, "I understand not spending Valentine's Day in Valentine if we have to be in Paris that day, but what is stopping you two love birds doing the deed ASAP, and taking me to Happy instead?" he asked. Melbourne was catching on to Texas etiquette, and didn't miss a beat. "What's in Happy for you?" "Got a friend there, needs a new weather vane for his windmill," Sam explained.