5t National Debt;

Sam was experimenting with a new drink. The Texaco's refrigerated cabinet had afforded him such a choice of beverages that he had decided to branch out from Melbourne's genius beverage in the green can. He remembered water fondly, but didn't miss it as much as you might think, and tried a colorful beverage advertised as six different words that meant "not thirsty any more." The name reminded him of the Florida Everglades, and he bought three bottles (because it was on sale;) one red, one orange and one green. As he slowly but surely drank the first bottle dry, Usrula decided to pick his brain for economic knowledge. The economics of law had long been established, but they had little to do with the practice of it, and she was genuinely curious. "Sam," she asked, "what's the difference between credit and deficit?" It should be understood that she already adequately believed that they were different concepts, but if she didn't give him some room on definition of terms, the debate would be short and sweet; too short, and too sweet, if she was not careful. For Sam's part, his natural love of rope informed his choice of definitions... the hangman's noose was all to readily employed reflexively by the fool. He took a W.A.G that her question was merely a springboard to a bigger problem, and took the bull by the horns. "I think you really want to talk about the National Debt!" he lied. She was physically impressed... "What the f...." she began, but he blandly ignored her distress. "The W_ag T_ransaction F_und has little to do with it, although I've drawn heavily on my own account." He knew that being preposterous boggled people's minds, but every once in a while it was NECESSARY. The disobedience of the tongue was simply a reflex reaction of the brain. "As long as you keep receipts and are held responsible," she capitulated when she had had sufficient time to adjust. "How did the world's problems get started?"

He began his answer with the one word that meant it all. "Tradition," he explained. He knew that now he was on borrowed patience and would only be allowed to pay if he connected his answer to the question successfully. She had learned from him that when presented with the opportunity to be incredulous, a person has a choice in the matter, and chose to listen for a while instead. "Which tradition?' she asked. "Back in the days when secession was still new, Alexander Hamilton was inspired by the spirit of Intaglio." She interrupted, "Intaglio?" "Italian wine, similar to Champagne, but with a hangover that even cats can't handle." He was halfway through his second bottle of refrigerated Texaco, and volunteered a review more apropos of drinking than conversing. "Stuff's like Cranberry juice... you drink so much and you're done." Estimating that he could talk longer if he kept his whistle whetted, she handed him some water.

"So, going back to Alexander Hamilton and his favorite beverage," she prodded. Sam took up the challenge where he had left off. "Well he was Secretary of the Treasury and when it came time to pay the South back for all the money they spent, keeping the slaves employed while the North harassed them, he decided to design the Federal Reserve system rather than letting Federalism run its course and everybody making their own money." "So the slaves themselves didn't get any?" she verified. "'Fraid not," was his dry reply. "Anyhow, that was the first National Debt, and it worked out so well that every time we pay it off, the Politicians get together and make a new one, just to honor Alexander Hamilton." "How did it get so BIG?" was Ursula's next volley. "Easy, Politicians just generate zero's with gay abandon," he certified. "After that credit and deficit are just ways to teak the numbers."

Ursula contemplated this for a time. "Didn't Alexander Hamilton have any enemies?"

Sam knew that he was going to have to reference material from the 5t archives that was not available on the Internet, so he bound her to secrecy. "What I'm going to tell you, if you ever tell ANYONE ELSE about it, you have to kiss me, French style, right in front of your Daddy!" This gave Ursula pause, but Sam made no effort to give her a choice. "Aaron Burr had a PARTNER," he revealed. Wanting to get it over with, and seeing he had not kept his bargain, she kissed him passionately before he could continue. This response was possibly counter-productive, but she had made her own deal with the Devil, and he went on.

"A man named Keynes married an apparently harmless Texan named Smith, and they named their first child Adam. Adam Smith Keynes had a MUCH different solution. He didn't fear inflation nearly as much as pregnancy, and strategized that every 4 years we should cancel all Federal Debts and start over from scratch, with new paperwork." Ursula could not withhold a supportive observation. "Like Argentina?" she asked. "EXACTLY like that," Sam affirmed... "It works so well for them that even the people who they owe money to don't ask them for it back... it's not worth the paper it's printed on." "I guess history is useful for looking up failed experiments then," she intoned. "A useful tip when studying history is to keep track of who it is and where it is, as long as you keep track of people all doing it at the same time. Then you'll always have some idea of why things happened like they did," Sam postulated. "I'll muddle through," said Ursula, noncommittally.

"So what happened to Adam Smith's plan?" she asked. He hastened to correct her. "Adam Smith was an author," he specified. "Adam Smith K_eynes was a politician." Since he had been invited, he lapsed into a monologue. "I don't know ALL the details, but Hamilton was not the only fellow Burr had a falling out with. Burr himself disagreed with Keynes, and started calling his plan the ASK plan. It politically died stillborn, and after Burr's death the slaves were compensated with promises of '40 acres and a mule' instead." Ursula was not one to let dialog die without a fight and shot back, "Why wasn't THAT ever honored?" "I see you know your history," he said admiringly. "Mule's were plentiful, even though they didn't breed well, so that portion of the offer was suspect from the start, but there was some dissension over which desert the 40 acre plots were supposed to come from." "No one wanted to live in a Black neighborhood even back THEN?" Ursula asked wonderingly. "That and the old Flag Burning argument," Sam agreed.

Here was a bona fide case of Sam and Ursula coming from different cadres. She had never HEARD the flag burning argument. "How does it go?" she asked. Sam gamely tried the monologue again.

"When a person burns a flag, they are making an implied argument that they can see an intellectual difference between the burning cloth itself and the design on it to which they pledge allegiance. The argument goes that IF they can see a _difference_ between two things like that in the _same_ place, THEN they also _Ought_ to be able to see the _sameness_ in two _different_ places. They OUGHT to be able to accept their plot of American Turf from anywhere on the Globe we give it to 'em."

"Is that why there are so many people in Kansas?" Ursula asked. This answered a question that had been lurking in the darkened corners of his brain, and he shared the light bulb with her that had just gone on. "Do you know, I never connected the history of OZ and Kansas that way?" Ursula could not argue that she was less than mystified, but incredulity had not yet arrived; humor was blockading the port. "How does that connect with the history of OZ?" she asked. "Well, when OZ was settled, the Empire used it for a planetary prison, and only sent prisoners there with one way tickets. They must have sneaked across on the Yellow Brick Road, got out at Abilene, and settled Kansas THAT way!" For self consistency she made one last effort. "Are you sure they weren't deported for flag burning, the constitution amended, and the law changed back and forgotten afterward?" "Pretty sure," Sam, challenged in return. "Do you know of ANYONE loco-weed enough to burn a TEXAS Flag?" He paused significantly... "I didn't THINK so!"

Ursula found that she just could NOT give up. "Have you heard of Captain Cook?" She pursued him. He didn't blink. "Captain James T Cook, architect of the Mutiny of the Bounty?" He had seen her lighting, but he had unerringly avoided the accompanying thunderclap of comprehension. "Come ON... you KNOW it was BLIGH!" she said in exasperation. "Bligh's named belied his intent. James T was his teacher and he was his student. Architect and Engineer, Engineer and Architect - they did it together, just like Clinton and Perot with their EEPOTUS balanced budget!" Hope of out arguing the arguer was fading. "Did Bligh wear ear-rings?' she played for time. "Both ears, just like all the other Pirates," he supplied. "And how much did his ear-rings cost him?" she baited him. He spoke before he thought. "A buck-an-ear," he crowed triumphantly. She knew she had him, if only on a technicality. "Pirates STEAL, they don't PAY," she gloated. Sam's ears moved as he suppressed his brain's chagrin from showing on his face. After a moment's thought, he offered "Maybe he stole them fair and square, but made his first mate sell them to him for a dollar, just like rich people; have a receipt and STILL not pay taxes."

She knew when she was licked. Despite the fact that all hope of winning the argument was gone, she had enough criminology to know that putting him on the record would provide kindling for the next disagreement; all he had to do was contradict himself once. "How high can the National Debt go, before we can't pay it anymore?" Sam had actually devoted a lot of time and thought to this very issue. He was not only prepared to offer an answer, but own it and defend it in future if necessary.

"As far as payments go, we spend 80% of the budget on entitlements, and of the remaining 20% the Military gets priority for constitutional reasons. If the interest exceeds the available remainder, we can't even pay that. As for the TOTAL, it MUST be accounted for out of taxes levied on profits from natural resources dug out of the ground." Ursula breathed a sigh of relief. "As long as everybody has to pay equally," she said. As a final measure, she clarified one last point. "What was the name of the main flag burning slave?" she asked. "Slaves didn't BURN the FLAG!" It was Sam's turn to be incredulous. "I just always thought they were deported based on a similar argument."

Confident that he would have far less wiggle room in future, Ursula asked for a respite. "That coke you owe me from the Jinx? I'll trade it for a refrigerated Texaco." "I feel your pain," he sympathized as sincerely as he could. He took her in his arms and held her, and they cuddled as she mentally recalled his points, for later review and machinations. The green stuff wasn't bad.