A -UT- perspective on how water should be used;

When it was his turn to drive again, the Aussie was the one to re-open the dialogue. His question came of observation, and he was sure the topic was far less personal and controversial. “You UT System guys are always fighting with the A&M guys, right?” he asked. “Yup,” the Texan agreed congenially. “Why is that then? Don’t they know the value of their water?” “Well I know you’re making sense, because they do live in Texas,” the 5t explained, “so I’ll agree they know the value of water, but there the agreement ends. They have a whole different philosophy of usage that’s got no horse sense to it. Just look at that old documentary ‘Oklahoma!’.”

“I’ve got to admit, that’s hardly a recent production. Even Australian song and dance men know those songs.” The Aussie paused to gather his thoughts. “From that point of view, the most important song in the production is the one about the Farmer and the Cowman!” “Ya done figured ME out,” agreed the listener. “Which one did YOU think was the most important?” “The one about Jud Fry, because he was a fatality!” the Aussie rejoined. He was not a novice philosopher, and had been presented with THESE arguments before. “I guess I can see how you’d make that mistake,” 5t said extending a dubious olive branch. “It’s a matter of whether you’re more concerned with one person, or the whole country of Texas as a people.”

"mmmm…” The ball was in the Aussie’s court. “So how do you teach Horse sense?” he finally asked. The educational emphasis was hard to deny, so the Texan undertook his best explanation. “Aggies are usually so poor they can’t afford a Horse,” he began, “or we’d just put them in a corral together and make ‘em learn to ride. That process is itself subject to difficulties, as I’ll note in a minute. I know what horse sense is and I can tell ya the words, but it’s just not that easy to get it in a stubborn person’s head. I don’t know a stubborn UT man, but them Aggies are HARD to teach.” The Aussie had been in Texas long enough to learn, and he wasn’t about to stoop to being obsequious. “I’m waiting on the words,” he replied. The Texan took a moment to begin a piece of gum, and continued. “The most important thing to understand about Horse sense is that it ain’t the innate good sense of Horses! It’s how ya manage ‘em. A good rider can make ONE horse last all morning and most of the afternoon, while a bad rider can’t get ‘em to run a mile without they start to make ‘em windbroke. Which brings me back to my point that just learnin’ to ride ain’t enough. We used to have Apache’s around here, and we have one a story so prominent almost EVERY UT graduate knows it! There was this Apache, and his father in law had given his whole string of horses to a white man as a punishment. There was a Dun, a Buckskin, an Appaloosa and a Paint. The father in law knew good and well that the Apache would invoke the custom of “Indian Giving,” but he wanted the White man in his debt, and that was how he did it. As Apache’s go, he was an exemplary specimen: He knew how to set a trap, how to cover his tracks and how to reconnoiter the enemy. Well, the Apache couldn’t have the White man showing his father-in-law any gratitude, so he didn’t take the trouble to steal the horses in the approved stealthy Apache fashion. He just set fire to the barn. The reason he did this is part of the story and illustrates my point that he had no Horse sense. Any fool knows (and I’m a respectable example,) that a horse will run back into a burning barn, even if he gets out; it’s just his idea of safety. Well, there wasn’t just a commotion, there was pandemonium. The horses went everywhere, and the Apache had to make choices. He Dunned the Dun, he caught the Buckskin, the Appaloosa ran back in the burning barn and the Paint took off for the North Pole, being a cross-bred Mustang, and able to run like the wind; slow, and easy without ever getting tired. The Apache was downright upset, and he jumped right up on the Buckskin bareback and took off after him. You may not know this Aussie, but a good horse will run until its heart bursts. It’ll die of thirst afore it’ll disobey. Well, in this story it results in tragedy, because half-way across the desert the next day the Buckskin died beneath him, and the Apache himself died of thirst. Now that may not be all, but that’s a pretty good survey of Horse sense.”
He spit out his gum, and the Aussie thought about things for a bit. He could see that old disputes were old for a reason, and retreated as tactfully as he knew how: “Did UT system ever appoint a diplomat to set up treaty talks with the Aggies?” The Texan was pleased, because this showed a good understanding of the problem, and brought him to an excellent stopping place. “We thought about it and thought about it, and finally we took an Authentic Texan, a real statistical outlier and made him responsible for all the problems. His name was Ross Perot. He is the only certified Miniature Texan I know, and he’s forgotten more about horse tradin’ than I’ll ever learn from a book. We took the Capital “T” for T_exas, and used it for a bargaining chip. We told A&M to think about Texas Tea, Golf Tees, Tee times and (just to include money in the talks,) Green Fees. He makes most of his money from “Capital Gains,” so he didn’t come cheap, but he’s already had more success with the Arabs than the Aggies.” This amused the Aussie, but he managed to keep a straight face. “He went and told the Military to stop calling them sand-pejoratives and camel jockeys, but to call their Camels “Ship Of The Desert,” and admit to reality in the fact that Arabians, inbred as they are, are the fastest race horses in the world!” He was right, and the Aussie could see that Aggies must be from some other Universe of Texas. He stretched and offered to take the wheel.